Chapter: Facing Death
"And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell."
In 2017 I admitted myself into the hospital several times. I have been under much 'godly wrath' always taunted for eating food which lead to physical attacks upon my body. Like massive swelling which was painful, hard to breath etc. Constantly bullied that I needed to fast. I know it sounds ridiculous but it is very true. Thank God for the word which states " But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all:..., Matthew 5:34. So I know its not required to fast in ones journey unto Christ/restoring the kingdom of God within the person.
Spiritual Warfare is horrible and like any war death is a threat. Fighting to move forward in life, especially to get Bruno back and yet hindered by another entity telling me I'm not good enough even with the threat of death became real to me in 2017 into the year of 2018. I was diagnosed with "Pulmonary embolism". A condition in which a blood vessel in the lung(s) gets blocked by a blood clot. In my case it was the left side lung blood vessel that had developed a blood cot. I was always developing swelling in my legs and feet (very painful taunted to stop eating and to keep fasting).
I would like to take the time and inform my Grandfather Pedro Guzman died in the 90's due to "pulmonary embolism". May he Rest in Peace in the Lord Jesus Christ!
So while in the hospital since I was getting treatment for the Pulmonary embolism I would eat the hospital food, obvisiouly, and yet bullied ALOT in spirit that if I was a child of God I wouldn't be bound by the elements and that with Jesus I would get healed.
Mental/ Spiritual harassments was very great and tormenting and worst it really effected my human body so the reality of what the spirit realm was impacting my life even to the point of my actual body was serious. This no not just some mind game or thoughts to overcome. No this was serious I was literally facing death!
I'd like to take this time to give credit due where credit is due (Romans 13:7).
I saw this sermon in 2017 by John Gray from Gateway Church in 2014 called, "It's not over!". This was a few months right before I faced my own threat of death situation. Which armed me through my season of facing death for pulmonary embolism. So though the verse (John 11:4 is literally scripture) but I was enlightened to it due to Mr. Gray's sermon. I provide a link to others who desire to be enlightened also by Mr. Grays delivery of the scripters and it teachings, especially those facing death, to provide hope and healing in their own trails and tribulations. It's not over! Pastor John Gray
" But now, after that ye have known God, or rather are known of God, how turn ye again to the weak and beggarly elements, whereunto ye desire again to be in bondage? "
And since I could not deny what the word said I decided to leave the hospital in December 2017 and deny the hospital treatment. I remember walking out the hospital after releasing the hospital from being held liable to me it was New Years 2018. I walked to a near by restaurant still homeless and seeing people rejoicing for the New Year but I was in that moment trusting in God I would be able to see the next day.
I was forced to sign a wavier the hospital would not be held liable since they informed me I had 3-6 months to live and was denying their treatment. They gave me pills but I through them away.
Fast forward to the future almost 2 years later November 2020 I am still here! AMEN! And even better NO Pulmonary embolism! Halleluiah Lord Jesus Christ!
I try my best that when I see or meet anyone facing death I speak over their flesh in the name of Lord Jesus Christ the verse that held me through, " That this sickness is not unto death but for the glory of God that the son of God may be glorified through it". (John 11:4).
So through it ALL I DONOT curse my enemies that hand me to death I stick with the REAL Lord Jesus Christ that loves me so I am constantly forgiving all those that hurt me especially with spirit warfare and bless them all like the Lord orders!
The fallowing was a journal entry I did with my phone while in the hospital in one of my admittance.
What do you do
Caron Gonzalez <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Jul 22, 2017, 2:40 AM
What do you do when you are told you are about to die???
I take grip to the ship tighter thru the storm I am able to face
Knowing my God is a good God
And I know he has no pleasure in death
So I choose to believe the word
That this sickness is not unto death but for the glory of God that the son of God may be glorified through it.
-as it is written
And actually anticipate the events about to accrue since I know I already have an expected end from God [its because I knew in my heart I'm supposed to get Bruno back in my custody, and get married someday]
Besides if it led to what I was told by the hospital staff....it would definitely make my testimony of my journey way more impactful unto others
To stay faithful even unto death
Glory to Jesus Christ
I'm not moved not one bit, but wish things didn't have to prolong so much
I'm just tired of waiting for something to improve
But I have too just hold on a little bit longer
I'm almost there, wherever that is
And trust in God who ordered my steps that he will use the good the bad and the ugly for good
For it's written
All things work together for the good to those that love the Lord.
Glory to King Jesus Christ who is Lord over ALL
#prisoner of hope that God keeps his promises and he is a good God-Amen!
Sent from my iPhone
Before and After pictures of my legs.
the swelling was a side effect of 'pulmonary embolism' and after admitting myself at Regional hospital in McAllen, TX I received some treatment and the swelling did go down as seen in pictures.
January 15, 2018, this photo was at another hospital (Doctors Hospital at Renaissance, Edinburg Texas) admittance after I was already diagnosed 'pulmonary embolism', but still I was facing lots of physical harassments that season of 2017-2018 of my health due to spiritual warfare.